Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
