I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
