Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
