He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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