I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So vagazzling was a success
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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