I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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