It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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