FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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