Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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