help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
