I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
