She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
