she was so not down for the gang bang
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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