Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
