EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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