Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
