i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
