saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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