time to smoke my breakfast
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I smell like Dick and happiness
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me