Just mADE A PArabola og urine
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
