she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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