Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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