my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
