The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
