An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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