You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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