Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
