I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
