My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
