i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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