Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
