yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
