Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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