I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
