i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
