Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize