you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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