I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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