Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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