i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
