i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
