u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
