So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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They took my balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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