Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
