There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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