yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize