I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
