Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
