I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
