My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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