I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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