google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
