So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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