I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
