it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
