saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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