No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
