I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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