literally had 100 drinks last night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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