No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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