Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he thought i was a dude.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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