Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
