YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
