What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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