forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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