I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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