I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
