i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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