tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
