we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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