Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
