Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
