we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
