Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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