I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
