my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
