Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
