First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
