I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
