Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
