that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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