if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
