I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize