my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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