If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
