i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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