Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
