just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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