How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize