Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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