laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
